Late September 2012: Manchester, New Hampshire

[damncompass]

A few days ago, Joshua's boss had rung him up and told him that one of his fellow Regents had died in a boating accident, and everyone was going to New Hampshire for the funeral. Halfway there on the plane, Artie (seated beside him because he refused to upgrade to first class, and Joshua was the one who bought the tickets) started chattering about the case he had sent Claudia on, and his intention of going to check up on her after the funeral.

"Bad idea, Artie." Joshua shook his head. "She doesn't take that shit well."

"Oh, she'll be fine. I just want to see how she's doing."

"Bad idea theater. Honestly."

With another shake of his head, Joshua fell silent again and the rest of the flight was uneventful. At the airport, they met up with his boss and Jane. Artie wandered off to rent a car mumbling something about driving to Boston. After even more admonitions about how bad of an idea driving in Boston would be, the Regent trio shook their heads and drove off to the service.

Joshua was quiet during the entire thing, which seemed so out of place, all of the loud and emotional prayers, all of the gospel singing, and the tributes to the dead woman that made Jane roll her eyes and mutter things under her breath that Joshua never really caught.

Eventually, the service was over, and they proceeded to the cemetery. Everything was fine until the minister started talking about ashes and dust, and something caught in Joshua's throat. Closing his eyes, he quietly backed up and walked away from the group at the grave.

A moment to himself would be enough. He just needed a moment. Really.

Comments

[k39zzz]

Jane knows that feeling, if she doesn't miss her guess. After a short, silent consultation with her boss, she follows him.
"Joshua?"

[damncompass]

By the time Jane gets there, Joshua has settled on a bench with his face in his hands. Sniffling a bit, he looks up, and wipes a few tears off of his face with his hand.

"Oh, hey, Jane. Er, sorry about that."

[k39zzz]

She sits down next to him. "Quite all right. What's wrong?"
She's not going to ask if he's all right; he clearly isn't.

[damncompass]

He takes a shaky, deep breath, and shrugs, sniffling a bit. "Well.. the last funeral I went to was eighteen years ago."

[k39zzz]

"Your parents." She was right; she does know that feeling.
Jane puts an arm around Joshua's shoulders. "It never goes away. It dulls, with time, but it never goes away. I only had five years before my next funeral."

[damncompass]

"Yeah. I mean, I spent most of the service with Claudia curled up sniffling in my lap, but still." Joshua shrugs, wiping his face again, and leans into her arm. "Well, ok, it's technically six yearsish, but who's counting. I... I doubt it will ever go away. It's... yeah." He's dangerously close to tears again.

[k39zzz]

"How you count it doesn't make much difference if you haven't dealt with it. Do you at least have someone you can talk to about it?"

[damncompass]

"I guess. Helena gets it. Claud does too somewhat." He shrugs. "Kinda hard to talk to someone when, well, you can't talk about what exactly happened to you."

[k39zzz]

"Well, yes, professional help would be a little difficult to find unless it's someone we brought in." Dr. Calder's good, but she's not qualified for this kind of work.
"And why can't you talk to Helena or Claudia? Your problems aren't less important than theirs, they'll want to help, and neither of them are 12-year-old boys. You'll have an easier time of it than I did."
If she hadn't been drawn back in, she doesn't know what she would have done... and as it is, what she did was leave Pete largely to his own devices.

[damncompass]

Joshua shrugs. "I mean there are a couple people in Milliways, but the only qualified person is, well, Hannibal Lecter." Which, well.... that's a problem.

"Yeah... I just... I know they have other things, and I just don't want to bug them with it." He still isn't certain that he's worth all of this.

"And no. They are definitely not 12 year old boys. And certainly not Pete."

[k39zzz]

"That... would be inadvisable, yes." This is Jane's alarmed face, because seriously.
"And if they want to be bothered? How can you know if you don't ask? I'm sure they'd both be more than happy to help."
She sighs. "No, they're not Pete. Some days I think he still blames me for all but disappearing on him afterward."

[damncompass]

"Yeah. Bad idea theater."

"I know. I really should talk to them. Maybe I'll talk to Helena when I get home." Steve would probably call him on it, but he's not completely lying. Joshua is just not sure how to talk or even how to start.

"I know this isn't the time or the place, but I feel honorbound to say that if you told him what was going on, he might be at least somewhat better with it."

[k39zzz]

"That wouldn't make up for everything that came out sideways 30 years ago." Just because it would ease the tension now and explain things... but anyway.
"If he thinks he had a bad vibe that morning, I had a worse one. Doubly so because I knew there was no way to talk Bill into coming home." Jane takes a deep, shaky breath. "I still called him to tell him I loved him. It was all I could do."

[damncompass]

"True. You can't escape the past."

Joshua winces, and instinctively reaches over and hugs Jane. "I'm sorry. I know that feel, though. I... I didn't even get the chance to say it before I...." Yeah.

[k39zzz]

Jane leans into the hug. "You said enough to get the idea across, from what I know." She also knows Claudia forgave him a long time ago, and that's what counts.
"I was never more relieved than when Mrs. Frederic told me it was just a fire."

[damncompass]

"Yeah, but... I just... I can't hang up from something, or leave a room without telling her now." It's a neurosis.

"I really hope the car crash was just that. I would probably be alright, but I don't know if Claudia would ever be ok with that."

[k39zzz]

She nods; she knows that feeling, too.
"From what we know, it was only a car crash."
...She's going to have to explain how she knows that, isn't she. Oops?

[damncompass]

"Wait. Who is we and what do you know?" Joshua pulls back with a bit of a concerned look on his face.

It's the first time ever that he's been dubious about the Warehouse or anything about it.

[k39zzz]

Jane sighs. "Relax, Joshua. You and your sister have been on our radar for a long time, but you're far from alone in that. People like the two of you stand a good chance of either becoming great assets or huge liabilities to the Warehouse, and it's important that we see which you become over time. We don't push people in one direction or another. That usually backfires and doesn't give you what you want anyway. If it helps, your hiring was the first time the whole group talked about you."

[damncompass]

Joshua sighs. "Oh. So is this a IF watches the Wiggins kind of thing, then?" Because if it is, he's probably Valentine.

[k39zzz]

"Not exactly - we let people become who they will without interfering. But if her foster situation had been worse than it was, I would have stepped in." There's not interfering in someone's life and then there's leaving them to decide living on the street is a better choice.
"But as smart as she is, and considering the fact you'd already made two Artifacts before you finished high school, keeping an eye on you was the wise thing to do."

[damncompass]

"Good to know. And somewhat refreshing to know that someone was looking out for her."

He pauses, though, and makes a dubious face. "Wait. I made Artifacts? What ones?" Huh?

[k39zzz]

"I could have taken her in without biasing her in one direction or another. Besides, I had to deal with Pete as a moody 12-year-old. I highly doubt she was any worse."
Jane smiles a little. "Well, you disassembled the proton pack, but that's the one that caught our attention. And if I were you, I wouldn't let your copy of Time Machine fall into the wrong hands."

[damncompass]

"Well, at least Claudia has never actually acted her age. She's... special."

He blinks a few times. "Really? But it... oh, wait. Class one. I get it. And... Time Machine? Really? Shit, self. Maybe that's why my ball went nutsoid when I brought the book into my lab last week."

[k39zzz]

Jane raises an eyebrow. "Your ball?"